"Elizabeth Gertrude Brecken, you are not changing your shirt. One does not simply walk into a generic hotel bar and seduce a stranger wearing a t-shirt. Your tits are amazing and you"re going to need them out front and center and working overtime."
I turned and stared at my butt. I couldn"t hide the size of my ass or thickness of my thighs or my extra-large muffin top. Not in these clothes. For a moment, I mourned the loss of my thinness before I shook my head. I was being stupid. Until I walked in on Wayne banging the twenty-two-year-old like a screen door in a tornado, I"d been perfectly content with my larger body.
Always a chubby kid and teenager, I"d finally grown tired of my mother"s constant nagging about my weight and started a strict regime of diet and exercise when I entered university. I"d stayed thin through starvation and exercise until the last two years. My busy career and my lack of enthusiasm for constantly monitoring what I ate, led to a slow but gradual weight gain. I still exercised on a regular basis and I ate healthy for the most part but my body wasn"t meant to be thin. I wasn"t bothered by it, it was a relief to finally be myself again, and Wayne hadn"t seemed upset by it either. Of course, the twenty-two-year-old he was screwing had the lithe body of a gymnast and when I"d confronted him, he had said that –
I cut off that thought immediately. Bile rose in my throat and I swallowed it down. Best not to think about Wayne and his betrayal. Despite what my mother thought, I was supportive of his dream of owning his own restaurant. It wasn"t my fault that he lacked the motivation to actually pursue his dream.
I shook off the memories of Wayne and grabbed my purse from the bed. I was starting a new job in a new city and I couldn"t be happier. Christmas was a week away and yes, I would be spending it alone for the first time in my life, but even that didn"t upset me. My new company was more than willing to let me start in the new year. They were a little surprised that I wanted to start so close to the holidays, but I couldn"t get away from my old life fast enough. Given the choice between spending Christmas alone binge watching my favourite shows on Netflix, or spending Christmas with my mother listening to her lecture me on all my shortcomings, it wasn"t hard to choose.
"Netflix," I said to my reflection in the mirror. "Definitely Netflix. Okay, girl, let"s do this."
Libby, are you sure you want to do this"
I ignored my inner me. My self-esteem had taken a nosedive when I walked in on Wayne and his floozy. While I might have been happy with how my career was going, there was a stupid part of me that was desperate to find out if I could still seduce a guy into sleeping with me. It had been years since I dated, and while I wasn"t interested in dating right now, I was interested in finding a man to fuck. I blushed at my dirty thoughts, but if I couldn"t be truthful with myself about what I wanted, then I shouldn"t be going to the damn hotel bar in the first place.
Wayne and I hadn"t had sex in months, I was single, and I was in a city where no one knew me. I wanted to prove to myself that I was still attractive enough to land a man, even with a muffin top and oversize ass.
Prove it to yourself or to your mother" Inner me whispered. We both know you"re not a one-night stand kind of woman. Also, men like thin girls, not a fatty like you.
I spun around abruptly and stalked out of the room, letting the door slam behind me. I was getting laid tonight, no matter what.
* * *
For a Saturday night, the hotel bar was relatively empty and my prospects for having sex with a stranger seemed dismally slim. Although, it was still early, I told myself. In this particular case, maybe the early bird didn"t get the worm.
Girl, you need to look for something bigger than a worm. You"ve spent years denying it but Wayne"s dick was small and nothing special. You need a man with a big dick who knows how to use it.
When had I become such a damn nymphomaniac" I had always liked sex but in the last month or so I"d become obsessed with it. Become obsessed with finding someone who would find me attractive and sexy at my current size. Someone who wouldn"t tell me that "
Nope, I wasn"t going there. Reliving the memory of Wayne telling me that my weight was crushing him " both figuratively and literally " was a terrible idea. I straightened my back before sweeping my gaze over the bar. There was a group of businessmen sitting at a table close to the entrance. They were talking loudly, and from the look of their flailing hands and red faces, they"d already had too much to drink. I crossed all of them off my mental "try and have sex with" list.