He’s not a douchebag; but that doesn’t stop his friends from turning him into one.
MY FRIENDS WANT ME TO GET LAID.
So much so that they plastered my ugly mug all over campus, in bold printed letters:
Are you the lucky lady who’s going to break our roommate’s cherry"
Him: socially awkward man with average-sized penis looking for willing sexual partner. You: must have a pulse. He will reciprakate with oral. Text him at: 555-254-5551
The morons can’t even spell. And the texts I’ve been receiving are what wet dreams are made of. But I’m not like these douchebags, no matter how hard they try to turn me into one.
THIS ISN’T THE KIND OF ATTENTION I WANT.
One text stands out from hundreds. One number I can’t bring myself to block. She seems different. Hotter, even in black and white.
However, after seeing her in person, I know she’s not the girl for me. But my friends won’t let up–they just don’t get it. Douchebags or not, there’s one thing they’ll never understand: GIRLS DON’T WANT ME.
Especially her.Books in Series:How to Date a Douchebag Series by Sara NeyBooks by Author:Sara Ney Books
University of Iowa"s Team Manager
Rhett Rabideaux is one ugly son of a bitch.
Solid as a brick shithouse, I watch him squat over the practice mat, hands braced for balance, his stance unwavering as Zeke Daniels grapples for a hold on him.
Rabideaux is one of the few on our team that can beat Daniels at his own sport.
Raising the whistle to my lips, I ready myself to blow, to end their practice sparring round, which has turned into a pissing match.
As the new guy on the team"a transfer from Louisiana"Rabideaux is still proving himself, despite his impressive record. Nearly unbeatable, his stats are worthy of the two-time NCAA champion he is, and they"re the reason he was recruited away from his university.
Iowa"s coaches wanted him. Courted him.
I don"t know what promises Coach made to the kid"tutors, more scholarship money, his mug on campus billboards"but it was attractive enough to lure him from the safety of one scholarship for another"and bring him to the lion"s den of his rival.
And into my house.
Rhett Rabideaux is my new roommate.
He stands six feet tall as he shakes Daniels" hand with one swift pump. They step away from each other, backs turned, no victor"and no love lost between them, either.
I grab a few towels, holding one out for the new guy.
He snaps it out of my hand, dragging it down his perspiring face. Down the slightly crooked nose that"s been broken one too many times. Over his bruised left eye. Over the stitched-up eyebrow, a gash from having his face pressed too hard into the mat at practice last week.
The dude is a mess.
A giant, sweaty mess.
Nonetheless" "New Guy, you coming out with us tonight""
He pauses, mammoth paws still. "Where y"all goin"""
I shrug. "I don"t know"out. To the bars. Does it matter"" It"s not like he knows any of the bars in town, jeez. He has to go where we go or he sits home on his ass, alone.
"I don"t know. Maybe."
"Word of advice New Guy: when someone extends their hand, you take it."
I"m not going to beg the dude to come out with us, but occasionally, he"s fun to have around, and it"s nice having fresh blood around the field house.
Rhett mulls my words over. "Who"s going""
Another shrug. "I don"t know, a bunch of us guys."
"A sausage-fest you mean""
"So that"s a yes"" He laughs.
"Me, Pittwell, Johnson. Maybe Daniels and Osborne." Although to be honest, those two are so pussy-whipped, it"s not likely. They"ll be home tonight, curled up on the couch watching chick flicks, their arms elbow deep inside their girlfriend"s pants, or snuggling, or whatever the hell it is they do.
I keep the fact that they"re probably not coming out tonight to myself.
Lucky bastards, getting laid instead.
"So, you coming or what" You can"t stay holed up at the house all weekend"your dick is going to shrivel up if you don"t get laid."
He arches a battered eyebrow. "Who said it"s my aim to get laid""
Aim to get laid" Who the fuck talks like that"
I hold up my hand to stop any weirder shit from coming out of his pie hole. "I"m going to pretend you didn"t just say that."
"Whatever." He walks away, tossing his sweaty white towel into the linen cart as he passes it and snatching a clean one from the rack on his way into the locker room.
I trail along after him.
He stops at his locker, stripping down. He shucks his shorts, peels off his shirt, and tosses a glance over his shoulder. "If I go along tonight, are you going to lay off" You"re driving me fuckin" nuts."
Wraps the terrycloth towel around his hips.
"No, I"m not going to lay off. I"m trying to show you the ropes, teach you a thing or two."
"You"" He laughs. "You"ve got to be kiddin" me. What the hell am I going to learn from you""
"Well, for starters, you"re way too nice. Girls always go for assholes. With a face like that, you"ve got to work harder to make them want your dick."
His lip curls unattractively. "Gee, thanks."
I follow him to the showers.
Zeke Daniels stands under a spray of water, steam rising around him as he washes his black hair. He scowls when he sees me, turning to face the tiled shower wall, presenting us with his massive barrier of a back.
His tattoo"a rising phoenix surrounded by geographical locations"glares moodily at me, too.
"Daniels, tell the new guy here girls like dating douchebags." The asshole ignores me, but I laugh it off"he"s always joking around, that guy. "Would you at least tell him he"s too nice to women""
"You know how girls are, they like it when you""
Zeke finally speaks, grunting. "Gunderson, leave him the fuck alone, for fuck"s sake."
Jesus, so moody this guy. "You going out tonight, Daniels""
He grunts again, scrubbing his armpits. "Probably not."
"Why" You watching The DUFF""