Waking up married"
Now I have to convince her of something else entirely.
That this was no mistake.Books by Author:Natalie Knight BooksDaphne Dawn Books
7:30 PM FRIDAY
God, I love a woman who can throw a punch.
Look. There aren"t many things in this world more unmanly than being socked in the face by your fianc"e. Macrame, owning a vagina, and still enjoying Guns N" Roses after Slash left all come to mind.
But being sucker-punched by your fianc"e"and then crying afterward"
Mate, it"s up there.
But it"s not my Aussie ass who"s sobbing into his Singha over a sucker-punch to the kisser. Oh, no"I"m not a dignified man by any means, but I"ve got more dignity than that.
Generally speaking, if a woman hits me, I"ve done something sufficiently asinine to deserve it"and I know how to take my knocks.
Unfortunately, the same can"t be said of Eggbert Humphrey. And before you ask"yeah, that"s that"s his true blue, god-given name.
Poor fucking bastard.
Eggs and I grew up together, and I"ve known his problem from the fucking start, mate. You can say what you like about Lachalan Williams, but don"t say I didn"t earn my way in the world.
Putting the swish boarding schools Eggs and I attended together aside"the second that I had a chance, I spat my silver spoon right out of my mouth and into the orange outback dirt.
Eggs, though" Eggs has been sucking on his silver spoon like his life depends on it"only, of course, when he"s not taking it out of his mouth so he can suck on even more unsavory things.
But we"ll get to that in a moment.
See, my fucking issue with Eggsy isn"t that he"s a rich wanker with a stick up his arse the approximate size and length of a saltwater croc.
It"s the way he carries himself. The way he talks, the way he walks. It"s his boy"s club attitude, the way he fucks about like he owns every building he enters and every person within it besides.
And the real thing"here"s the kicker"the one thing about Eggsy that I can"t fucking stand"
Is the fact that no matter how pissed off Sammi Brighton looks as she pulls her fist back again for a second swing, I can see behind that gorgeous snarl of hers that Eggs Humphrey is breaking her heart.
"You broke my n-nose!" Eggsy sobs, looking up at Sammi like she just put a scratch in the custom paint job of his Ferrari.
"You"re fucking welcome for it, too." Sammi"s looking back down at him like she"s sizing him up, looking for more things to break. "It"s an improvement when you think about, darling. You wanna pretend you"re some kind of bad boy marine biologist" Now you"ll look the part."
I thumb my own crooked nose self-consciously as she mentions it. "Course, I didn"t get mine from a woman scorned.
I got mine from a Japanese shark fisherman who looked like he sumo wrestled in his spare time. Cheeky bastard clocked me right in the face with his harpoon gun"
Which is exactly what it looks like Sammi is wishing she could to her cheating fianc"soon to be ex-fianc"next.
Eggs" one remaining ladyboy courtesan tries to shove her tits in his face to comfort him, but Eggs is proper pissed now. His sobs are subsiding into wounded little grunts, like he thinks he"s about to Hulk out and teach the gorgeous, leggy brunette before him some kind of lesson.
"Listen here, cunt," he growls, pushing the ladyboy onto the floor. "You"re my woman. If you think you can get away with this and still marry me""
Sammi fucking laughs at that.
Fuck"s sake, it"s a gorgeous laugh.
"Oh, honey," she coos. "I ain"t fucking marrying you."
Then, to my fucking delight, Sammi Brighton turns to me and asks me for something that makes me fall in love with her all over again.
She points to a bottle of tequila with a hooded cobra stuffed inside of it and tells me, "Pour me a fucking shot."
My cock goes stiff at the sound of her voice. Just like that.
I do her one better. I pour us both a shot.
She drinks both of them.
Samira fucking Brighton. Busty, boozing goddess of the seven seas. Long, sexy legs that were made for wrapping around a lucky bloke"s hips. Long, dark hair that falls down her back in midnight tidal waves.
She closes her green eyes as she grabs the bottle of cobra tequila, tipping the golden liquor down her throat like she was born without a gag reflex. She doesn"t stop until the cobra inside the bottle slides down to meet her lips"and when it does, she gives it a little tequila-flavored kiss.
Truth be told, I always knew that Eggs wasn"t good enough for her.
No one"s fucking good for her.
Not a single goddamn person in this rotten fucking world.
Sams and I go way back. First time I met her, I thought she was the most uppity bitch I"d ever had the displeasure of meeting in my entire fucking life.
We were grad students out on the same research boat, and she had me hauled back to shore for forgetting my lifejacket. Pissed me off something fierce at the time. Hated her with every bone in my fucking body.